As I pulled the empty cereal bar box out of my refrigerator this morning while getting milk for my coffee, I realized that there are just some questions I’ve stopped asking because I already know the answer – “Because I have kids.”
Things I’ve stopped asking -
“What happened to all the food I just bought?”
“Why is there a hunk of tree limb in your bed?”
“Why is my floor/counter/seat/self sticky?”
“Why is the freezer door wide open?”
“Why is the tiny dog wearing a Build-a-Bear tutu?”
“Why can I respond to any life situation with a SpongeBob quote?”
“Why do I cherish the locks on my bathroom doors so much?”
“Why do I smell poop?”
“Why do my headphones keep disappearing?”
“Why is there water dripping from the ceiling?”
“Why are there crumbs on the bottom of my purse?”
“Why are there clementines stashed all over the house?”
“Why does the school keep calling me?”
“Why can’t I have a fun little car?”
“Why does my back/shoulder/elbow hurt?”
“Why am I so tired?”
“Why am I watching cartoons at 3 a.m.?”
“Why do I have Poison Control’s number memorized, and why do they have a file with my name on it?”
“Why did I stop wearing white/skirts?”
“Why is there glitter in my microwave?”
“Why are there shoe prints on the ceiling?”
Okay, that last one was actually something my mom had to ask. The answer was…because she had kids. (And the mystery was solved the day she caught my brother laying on his bed and kicking his shoes straight off…onto the ceiling.)
You can almost hear her whispering “Help me!”
